I am not okay. I fell into the trap of being hypnotized as I scrolled through all the content on my social media channels. I lapped up the suggestions to bake sugary snacks and drink wine for no particular reason. I was convinced that it’s absolutely normal to let yourself go, dress in ripped and stained clothes, and be a lump on the couch. “Whatever you do, do not pressure yourself into doing anything. At all.” Was the undertone in the memes that streamed past my scroll.
You Do You
Yeah, well that advice is the farthest thing from what I needed to hear and see. That is not how I cope. I am not passing judgment on anyone who needs to retreat to survive. But, if I were to continue to be lulled into this “do nothing” narrative, I would end up worse then I was when I thought I had COVID-19. I admit that the messages were stronger than me. I made a sourdough starter, I baked cinnamon rolls and carrot cake, and my grocery bill doubled. I snuck snacks into our bedroom. I binged Ms. Vicki’s while I binge-watched Ozark. Everything I had done to be healthy over the last 10 months went out the window. And, my body noticed. My asthma is getting worse again after it started getting better after I was sick. I have headaches, my bowels are in a rage, and I am retaining fluid from inflammation so badly that I have deep crevasses from the sheets on my whole body when I wake up in the morning. Oh, and I am not sleeping as well, and when I do sleep, I have nightmares. The unavoidable culmination of all of this is the number climbing on my scale every morning.
This is not who I am and this is not how I cope.
Who I am is a vibrant woman who shows up in life and does it completely. I am brave and courageous, and I never shy away from hard work or a challenge. I eat for nutrition not to drown my feelings. I treat sugar as a treat not a food group. I move my body. I drink water over wine 99% of the time. I show up for my kids and guide them to make their own choices and live with their own consequences. I deal with the difficulties of life head-on. And anyone who knows me knows my life has not been a cakewalk. I know crisis intimately. It is time for me to wake-up and remember who I am and what I am capable of getting through. I also need to remember how I do cope. Through a bubble bath, reading, walking in the fresh air, mindfulness and talking things out with friends or, at times, a therapist.
You Can Do It
I am not a lover of the rah-rah, motivational, ultra-positive movement. I don’t like the over-the-top, unrealistic, “life is always beautiful” bill of goods we’re typically sold online, especially in the small business world. But we don’t have to swing to the other extreme of buying into letting our whole life fall apart. Yes, the world sucks right now. Big time. But I will be damned if I roll over and take it. You can face this. Chose something small to start such as drinking more water. Everyone can drink more water! I am not saying you need to go out and learn a new language. What I am saying though is to make sure that everything you are doing or choosing not to do is a conscious choice made by your wise self and not a mindless choice dictated by social media.