Sometimes we meet someone and we just hit it off. It’s like there is a language that just the two of you understand. Being with that person is your definition of Home. You talk to each other every day, and as soon as you see something funny, you text them because you know they would “get it” better than anyone.
Things go on like this for a while… and then things change. Sometimes someone else comes along, another friend or a romantic relationship. Sometimes you get a new job or career and your availability changes. Sometimes you just move on to a new way of looking at life, your priorities change, you evolve.
Does that make your former BFF the Neanderthal to your Homo Sapiens? It sounds a little arrogant to put yourself above someone else like that, right? But really, how many times have you grown out of a friendship because the other person was just not growing at the same rate? How many times has some else grown too fast for you?
I grapple with this lately. And I wonder where does loyalty fit in? Where does being patient and available for a friend who isn’t “there yet” fit in? And then that magical word that is following me everywhere lately comes up.
When things change, as long as everyone is being kind and respectful, there is nothing wrong with the friendship taking on a new rhythm, a new dance. But if the person who is catching up in their learning is insisting on pulling the other friend down to their level—the old “don’t change” routine—there needs to be some boundary reinforcements. If we can’t celebrate our friends’ successes and positive forward momentum, then we need to take a good look at ourselves. And if positive changes in our lives are being criticized or ignored by someone who used to celebrate with us, then we need to put some healthy boundaries up and move on. Because we are all meant to move forward, in our personal power, to shine for the benefit of humanity.
We dislike change because most of our brain and biology is animalistic and thus routine, habit and reactivity focused. But our higher functions, what makes us Human Beings, is where we have to check-in with the need and validity of change. Change is a good thing. Change is momentum and fluidity and energy. When we are resisting it, we have to have a look at our ego and our higher self and decide where the resistance is coming from, because stagnation is not conducive to health biologically or socially.
We are all individuals on this planet to learn the lesson we chose to come here to learn. We all have a path. Some of our paths meet up for short whiles, and some run in tandem for a very long time, but we are still on our own paths. Some of us have similar lessons to learn and some of us have drastically different ones. It would not be fair to ask a 5-year-old to do a calculus course… and it is not fair to ask your closest, dearest friend to live your life lessons if they are just not resonating on the same plane.
So if it is time, move on from old friends and learn from some new ones. Don’t hold yourself back. Change is good.