Forgiveness and Boundaries

Forgiveness and Boundaries


Have you been hurt by someone recently, and been told that forgiveness is “the right thing to do”? Once you do forgive, then what? Is it open season on your heart again?

Some things are easier to forgive, such as my husband watching ahead on our favorite Netflix series, some things are not quite as easy, such as a husband who sleeps with his wife’s best friend, or a child abuser, or a murderer, yet people forgive these kinds of offenses every day. Does that make those who forgive superhuman? Does it make me a total jerk for not having loving thoughts about my friend’s philandering ex-husband?

The whole premise to Being Human is that as humans we have been graced with both a biological survival drive (the human part) and a higher self that is capable of creativity, ingenuity, higher thinking, complex language and the capacity for a spiritual life (the being part).

Forgiveness is the being part

Forgiveness is a gift for your soul and for your conscience. It allows you to reclaim a clear mind and soft heart, so that you can move forward without ruminating about the past. Forgiveness involves seeing the offender as a reflection of ourselves, just as frail of a human as we are. Those who deserve forgiveness are an integral part of this connected universe where in essence we are all one. Forgiveness involves dropping the ego, and the idea that you know better, do better, and are better than anyone else. Forgiveness not only frees you of negativity, it also frees the person who hurt you to make a different choice in the next moment.

Boundaries are the human part

Boundaries are for the imperfect, reactive, emotional, woundable parts of us. As wonderful as it sounds to walk around the earth in a total Zen-like Christ Consciousness, we mere humans haven’t reached that enlightenment stage yet. It is great to aspire to, but, in the meantime, we have to face the reality that we will actually have feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, and vulnerability. And That’s Okay! That is why we are having this human experience.

Boundaries are individual decisions you make every day as to what you can accept or not accept in terms of behavior from the people in your life. This is where you decide if your heart is open to certain people. Boundaries are where you decide if you want your children to be allowed to visit with your child-molesting uncle. Your spirit may have forgiven him, but your humanness may prefer to not set yourself or your kids up to the potential of being hurt. In my opinion, celebrating your vulnerability and protecting your humanness is as honorable as forgiveness.

That being said, some people will choose to allow that visit, or stay married to a man that cheated on them. Boundaries are very individualized and based on our core values, history and beliefs. Do you need help identifying your core values? Need help setting and sticking to clear boundaries? I am here to help. Book me for a free 30 minute discovery call today.