I Messed Up
Ever have one of those weeks where you just wanted to crawl under a rock and cry? Have you ever really messed up and knew there was no one else to blame?
I just did.
Early Thursday morning I was reviewing my notes from a recent online business program I took with Lisa Larter for 10 weeks. She is re-launching the Pilot Project for a new group of students and I learned so much the first time around I decided to take the class again. One of the biggest lessons I learned was on measuring the numbers in the business. Her Cash Flow Excel sheet is invaluable. So after reviewing my business cash flow I decided to apply it to my household cash flow.
Have you ever looked up your bank statement online to find very different numbers than what you expected? Red ones?
I do tend to be fiscally responsible. Really. There was a time that our household budget ran like a Swiss watch. But, I have been a little distracted with my business since March with the book launch and the subsequent interviews, and speaking at Live Your Best Day—the pre-Oprah extravaganza, and then my website remake. I have been checking on the family bank account but not holding myself to account, if you know what I mean.
And so Thursday was a massive reality check (pun intended), when someone chose to hoard and cash six cheques I had written over the last four months, it was hello overdraft.
And then, the Universe decided to push my lesson a little further and threw in some “speak your truth” tests in there too. My husband called from work asking if the whole family could meet him downtown for the Rib Festival near where he worked. I tried implying that we couldn’t afford dinner out, but I didn’t assert myself. I also didn’t say out loud that I was tired from crunching numbers all day and really didn’t want to drive downtown.
But, my husband doesn’t ask for much. So I obliged. And I got caught in traffic for an hour and a half on a drive that usually takes, at most, 30 minutes. I got there Angry and Exhausted and Stressed out! As soon as we got home I dug into my coaching bag of tricks. What would I tell a client to do in a situation like this? I went for a run, I soaked in Epsom salts and I meditated.
And I woke up in just as foul a mood the next day, and the day after and the day after that. In fact, I woke up Sunday morning to my 8 year old whispering in my ear, “Mom, I tried to tie-dye my t-shirt by myself. I will clean up the mess.”
Have you ever been woken by those little confessional whispers promising a huge mess to clean?
I didn’t get a picture of Sunday’s mess, nor did I laugh it off as I normally would. Instead I was in tears on my hands and knees scrubbing dye out of the grout of the tile on the kitchen floor. After I cleaned up the mess, I turned to my husband and said, “I am not coping.” He got the kids dressed and took them out.
And I sat there with my cell phone in hand debating if I needed to place a call to a friend. You see, I don’t care what you do for a living, how many certifications you have, or how much you have “done the work” there comes a time where we all need support. A hairstylist gets someone else to do her hair, the heart surgeon gets someone else to perform surgery on her, and I lean on my team to hold me up when I am down.
But before calling anyone, I chose to go for a run—again. And that half hour of running changed my whole perspective.
I can credit the endorphins. I can credit the alone time to just think clearly. I can credit the positive messages I was getting from my mp3 player. But I would like to credit time.
The Universe is always on time
You see, the Universe only ever sends us what we need at the time we need it. Part of my most recent struggles has been patience; patience with myself, patience with my book sales, patience with the growth of my coaching practice.
And specifically this week, patience with my bad mood.
I wanted it gone. I wanted to feel better right away. I wanted to be happy again, now! But I needed to sit in this misery for a while, I needed the little reminders over the last three days that I have been working too hard, pushing too fast, and spending too much. I needed three days of anger with myself to realize that I am only human, I have made a mistake, and I can learn from it and try not to repeat it.
The same goes for you. You mess up too some times, because you are only human. But we are an adaptive species, and you will learn and move on.
Have you received any lessons from the life lately? Are you growing through your lessons? If you need a little extra support beyond a blog post, don’t forget that I am always here for you. Just drop me an email I would love to set up a call.