Are you afraid to draw the line with that one toxic friend? Do you wonder what will happen if you speak your truth? Or what will happen if you don’t even have a huge falling out, but you just make a conscious choice to not hang-out with certain people?
I don’t go around calling myself the Healthy Boundaries Expert without having the life experience to back up my claims. I practiced what I preach quite a bit this year and chose to eliminate the co-dependent relationships (in which I was an equal player) and then downsized my social circle to a very select few. Considering how much human beings are social animals and how much we yearn to belong to a tribe, I would be lying if at some point I didn’t feel a little lonely and doubt my decisions. But as I look back now on how my 2013 played out I have noticed some big advantages.
- A smaller circle means a better connection to your spouse. All of those things I was running to tell my BFF, I now talk to my husband about. I think I know more about him, and he really “gets” me more now than in the last 10 years.
- A smaller circle means a better connection to your kids. Having fewer balls in the air with fewer social engagements has allowed me the downtime to be present for my kids in a much more mindful way. My batteries are not totally depleted when they want a little extra piece of my time. I feel less of the “pulled in a million directions” I used to get with an over booked dance card .
- Depth Friendships vs. Breadth Friendships. The friends that I do continue to have a great relationship with I connect to on a much deeper level. I think of myself before as one of those girls balancing 17 spinning plates on sticks trying to keep it all together and with a smile on my face to boot. Now I hold one plate at a time in a firm two handed grip knowing I won’t drop it. I think my friends also know that when they are with me they have all of me now.
If I were to name a common thread it would be mindful friendship. I am more present with my husband, more present with my children, and more present with my friends. And I don’t ever feel lonely anymore. It took me a little time to get used to the peace and quiet, but let me tell you, I wouldn’t go back to the stress of approval seeking and walking on eggshells around certain toxic people.
Are you ready to downsize your social circle? Do you need to figure out how to put up healthy boundaries with someone close to you, without causing drama or burning bridges? I can help. Go here to reserve a free one hour call.